Headspace When Holding the Leash

November 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

Written in March 2007.

what is this fascination with


wide black leather circling flesh
and bone, and tendon
edged in silver, edged in steel
– or simple chain
thick, heavy
cold but warming
with the quickening of blood
settles with the clink of –
submission offered
power given
control exchanged
in trust
in love
in we.

collared you
and you drop
to silence
downcast eyes
shallow breath
is it imagination, or
is every barest touch
suddenly – so much – more
effective, your nerves
racing, pulse
thumping, breath
shuddering at the skittering
softness of nails (of steel or of
fingers, edges never breaking
but oh always the threat and
that is half the promise of
isn’t it?)
and then the touch of
teeth of
air of
skin-on-skin just slightly –

you see, I have control
of you, of me, I
know the ways to make your mind
dance, consumed
in blind heat
until the flash of red (of
teasing nails turning from soft
torment to raking lines, harsh
and smiling)
is not pain at all
but her sister-twin named

I want to collar you
place this chain about your neck
and tug you – yank you – lead you
by leather and leash
into the place where only

to you –

but for me…
I am narrowed into this:
your squirming skin
pace of breath
dilated eyes wide and wondering
whimpering plea, tortured moan –
and I the one to decide
whether there is release
or another hour
of up-and-down the rollercoaster
never quite reaching
finish – and –

this is why I do this.
I began for you,
and for my own control
for the small satiation of that
fanged, scaled, hungry thing
chained beneath my conscious self…
but I am captivated by more
than the serpent and you.
I separate – detach –
I am distant from my body, but
the snake does not control my hands.
It’s me, moving, with scales beneath the skin,
but insecurity falls away
and worry
and fear
and distraction
until all that is
is me-and-you
(and steel, and leather, but that is part of it)
and I am suddenly supremely confident
I think – I know – that I am
in will, in body, in mind
and capable –
there is no doubt in me
there is no fear in me…
there cannot be, and so
there is
and all my mind
and all my will
is of

This is your gift to me:
your want
your shadow beckoning to mine
and more than that
your trust –
filling me, strengthening me
leading me to look beyond that-which-I-fear-in-me
to settle into this dominant-space of
confidence, strength, will, fearless
I-who-are-in-Control –
of you only by your gift, but importantly –
of me

and I love you
for this and so much else
and value you for it

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