The Silent Place

November 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

Written in September 2009.

There is a place–
quiet, dark,
deep within me
soundproof, the edges
cotton-filled, thick fog
fuzzing out sensation to
white noise.

It is safe here.
I am untouchable
distant
layers of clouds between me
and everything.

No feeling.
No panic.
No wailing.
Just . . . silence.

When the outside overwhelms
and I can’t walk away
I retreat inside.
When emotion roars up
and I can’t afford to show it
I escape inside.
When I must do something
ordinarily impossible
I go inside.

because here
I am invincible.
You cannot touch me–
not your anger
not your words
not your hands
not your tears.

here
I can do anything.
I can listen and
cope with making mistakes
cope with my imperfections.
I can face dark truths unflinching
about me, about others, about us.
I can hurt me, uncaring.

I can even hurt you.
See your every fault-line
stick my fingers in the cracks
and push, pull, pry, just so . . .

if I want to.
if it’s needed.
if the impulse strikes me.

here
I have absolute control.

here
I can do what is necessary
but painful, or hard, or
too close for comfort.

here
I can do everything
but feel.

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